Habit Forming

A poem I read somewhere comes to mind as I think about kids and chores.

Doing the dishes, setting the table;
kids love to help, until they are able.


This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (focusonyourchild.org), then later in Memphis Parent .







“What a good boy you are, Ben!” I praised my six-year-old as I caught him exiting the bathroom one recent Saturday morning. “You washed your hands without being told!”


“Mom, everybody washes their hands,” he replied plainly.


When did that happen? When did my son graduate from my having to be the hygiene police to thinking that hand washing was a universal instinct? As I pondered the point, I concluded that hundreds of reminders during his preschool years had finally paid off—my son had established a habit. If you grow weary of reminding your preschoolers to brush their teeth, pick up their toys and put their clothes away, don’t give up: repetition and consistency are two keys to habit forming.


Because parents may have to repeat themselves so often, it may seem as if the preschool years are the most difficult in which to instill good habits in children. Not so, says Carla Lytle, mother of eight. “Children are most open to learning new skills during the preschool years,” observes Lytle, adding that if parents wait much later, kids lose interest and teaching them becomes the real chore. If preschoolers are accustomed to small jobs such as tearing salad and setting the table, for instance, they will be more willing to take on bigger responsibilities such as cooking and washing dishes as abilities increase. “If parents will just make consistency a priority, establishing habits in preschoolers is that difficult because they so eagerly want to help.”

Linda Avery, also a mother of eight, says that she is beginning to see results from years of repeated instructions when her oldest children were preschoolers. “Most Sundays when we get home from church my school age children will hang up their church clothes without my reminding them,” she says, “while my preschoolers still need a lot of reminders.”

Consistency is also a big factor in helping preschoolers establish good habits. “It is difficult to be consistent when you think they will never get it,” admits Mrs. Avery, “but now that I see what a difference consistency during the preschool years makes in establishing habits, I have realized that habits are best established during the early years of child rearing.”

One caution when establishing a habit: Parents must be careful not to expect preschoolers’ small hands to perform a perfect job. The bed made by a three-year-old may still be full of wrinkles, for instance, but keep in mind that the motive behind giving preschoolers chores is habit forming rather than perfection. A daily effort will establish a habit that will improve as the child grows.

Admittedly, habit-forming in preschoolers takes time and consistency. You as the parent must remember, however, that preschoolers are much more eager to learn new domestic skills (i.e.: chores) than they will be when they are older. With repetition and consistency, what is now a chore in their eyes will eventually become a habit—and don’t be surprised if they think it came naturally.