The new MOPS year started up again yesterday. (MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers, a group to which I have a lifetime membership. A great organization; look them up at MOPS.com) It was babies, babies, everywhere. I've never had a colicky baby, thankfully (and miraculously, I might add) but seeing all those babies yesterday brought this book review I did for Memphis Parent in the fall of 2005 to mind.
Book Review: Why is My Baby Crying? by Dr. Barry Lester
It is estimated that some 20 percent or 800,000 of American born babies this year will have the symptoms of colic. But what are those symptoms and how are they best treated? Dr. Barry Lester, author of Why Is My Baby Crying? and founder of The Colic Clinic in Providence, Rhode Island, shares his latest research.
What led you to start The Colic Clinic?
My colleagues and I were studying crying and colic and, of course, in the process giving parents advice. I found myself caught between the two worlds of trying to do research, where you can’t really focus on treating the individual, and providing services. When we split the two components apart, creating a research program and a clinical service led us to start The Colic Clinic. It is part of the Infant Development Center (www.infantdevelopment.org) at Women & Infants Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, and also part of the Brown Medical School.
What are some of the goals of The Colic Clinic?
Our goal here at The Colic Clinic is not only to treat the colicky infant, but also the entire family. First, for instance, parents need to know there are other families out there with colicky babies. Second, it is hard for parents to take care of their babies when their own needs are not being met. And we can’t forget the siblings, as colic really pervades the whole family. In fact, it is typical for everyone except baby with colic to be overlooked.
What are some of the ways you assess colic?
We begin with an assessment of the infant by using a colic symptom checklist, which tells us if there are other colic symptoms in addition to the baby’s crying. Also, we have the mother fill out diary to keep track of baby’s crying for several days. This allows us to target peaks and dips in crying times, offering the mother a clearer view of the situation. We also like to take some time to find out what is going on with the parents, as what we’ve seen is about 45% of the mothers who bring their babies to clinic suffer from depression. For this reason, all our patients are seen by pediatrician and mental health worker.
Name some of the misconceptions about crying babies.
There are many: colic is normal; it is due to inadequate mothering; parents are responsible; just ignore it and it will go away; it’s genetic; it has no impact. The list goes on and on. While crying is certainly part of normal development, the real issue is whether or not the crying has become problematic—either with the baby’s development or with the family’s well being. Understanding colic is so important because since it is the first disturbance where parenting is concerned, it will influence how you deal with the next problem, and the next, and so on, essentially creating a template for how you deal with future interactions with your child.
Discuss what it means to be crylingual.
When you understand how something works, you begin to feel more comfortable with it because it is less of a mystery. Becoming crylingual means that you come to understand your baby’s cry. Since crying is the baby’s first language, it is a parent’s job to learn that language. At The Colic Clinic, we study the cry primarily thru the sound, or the acoustics, of the cry. When the colic cry resembles a pain cry, for instance, that lets us know that the source of the crying is something coming from the child. A baby who is hungry will have a very different cry than a baby who is in pain.
Talk about a safe cry zone.
There’s a newsletter that about preventing child abuse that says, “Caring for your baby is not about stopping the crying. Caring for your baby is about coping with the crying.” Constant crying can result in failed infant-parent relationships, the ultimate failure of which is child abuse. Building a safe cry zone means knowing your own internal warning signs and triggers. If you can figure out your internal signs, you can forecast and then short circuit the process and prevent yourself from getting to a place you don’t want to be. Negative reactions are normal with colicky babies. Finding a safe cry zone helps legitimize and normalize these kinds of feelings. We like to help get parents of the hook so they can get on with job of parenting.
The Colic Clinic
Infant Development Center
Women & Infants Hospital of Rhode Island
101 Dudley Street
Providence, RI 02905-2499
Phone 401-453-7640
Fax 401-453-7646
www.colic-baby.com
For more information about research, clinical services or training/education: Barry_Lester@Brown.edu
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Habit Forming
A poem I read somewhere comes to mind as I think about kids and chores.
Doing the dishes, setting the table;
kids love to help, until they are able.
This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (focusonyourchild.org), then later in Memphis Parent .
“What a good boy you are, Ben!” I praised my six-year-old as I caught him exiting the bathroom one recent Saturday morning. “You washed your hands without being told!”
“Mom, everybody washes their hands,” he replied plainly.
When did that happen? When did my son graduate from my having to be the hygiene police to thinking that hand washing was a universal instinct? As I pondered the point, I concluded that hundreds of reminders during his preschool years had finally paid off—my son had established a habit. If you grow weary of reminding your preschoolers to brush their teeth, pick up their toys and put their clothes away, don’t give up: repetition and consistency are two keys to habit forming.
Because parents may have to repeat themselves so often, it may seem as if the preschool years are the most difficult in which to instill good habits in children. Not so, says Carla Lytle, mother of eight. “Children are most open to learning new skills during the preschool years,” observes Lytle, adding that if parents wait much later, kids lose interest and teaching them becomes the real chore. If preschoolers are accustomed to small jobs such as tearing salad and setting the table, for instance, they will be more willing to take on bigger responsibilities such as cooking and washing dishes as abilities increase. “If parents will just make consistency a priority, establishing habits in preschoolers is that difficult because they so eagerly want to help.”
Linda Avery, also a mother of eight, says that she is beginning to see results from years of repeated instructions when her oldest children were preschoolers. “Most Sundays when we get home from church my school age children will hang up their church clothes without my reminding them,” she says, “while my preschoolers still need a lot of reminders.”
Consistency is also a big factor in helping preschoolers establish good habits. “It is difficult to be consistent when you think they will never get it,” admits Mrs. Avery, “but now that I see what a difference consistency during the preschool years makes in establishing habits, I have realized that habits are best established during the early years of child rearing.”
One caution when establishing a habit: Parents must be careful not to expect preschoolers’ small hands to perform a perfect job. The bed made by a three-year-old may still be full of wrinkles, for instance, but keep in mind that the motive behind giving preschoolers chores is habit forming rather than perfection. A daily effort will establish a habit that will improve as the child grows.
Admittedly, habit-forming in preschoolers takes time and consistency. You as the parent must remember, however, that preschoolers are much more eager to learn new domestic skills (i.e.: chores) than they will be when they are older. With repetition and consistency, what is now a chore in their eyes will eventually become a habit—and don’t be surprised if they think it came naturally.
Doing the dishes, setting the table;
kids love to help, until they are able.
This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (focusonyourchild.org), then later in Memphis Parent .
“What a good boy you are, Ben!” I praised my six-year-old as I caught him exiting the bathroom one recent Saturday morning. “You washed your hands without being told!”
“Mom, everybody washes their hands,” he replied plainly.
When did that happen? When did my son graduate from my having to be the hygiene police to thinking that hand washing was a universal instinct? As I pondered the point, I concluded that hundreds of reminders during his preschool years had finally paid off—my son had established a habit. If you grow weary of reminding your preschoolers to brush their teeth, pick up their toys and put their clothes away, don’t give up: repetition and consistency are two keys to habit forming.
Because parents may have to repeat themselves so often, it may seem as if the preschool years are the most difficult in which to instill good habits in children. Not so, says Carla Lytle, mother of eight. “Children are most open to learning new skills during the preschool years,” observes Lytle, adding that if parents wait much later, kids lose interest and teaching them becomes the real chore. If preschoolers are accustomed to small jobs such as tearing salad and setting the table, for instance, they will be more willing to take on bigger responsibilities such as cooking and washing dishes as abilities increase. “If parents will just make consistency a priority, establishing habits in preschoolers is that difficult because they so eagerly want to help.”
Linda Avery, also a mother of eight, says that she is beginning to see results from years of repeated instructions when her oldest children were preschoolers. “Most Sundays when we get home from church my school age children will hang up their church clothes without my reminding them,” she says, “while my preschoolers still need a lot of reminders.”
Consistency is also a big factor in helping preschoolers establish good habits. “It is difficult to be consistent when you think they will never get it,” admits Mrs. Avery, “but now that I see what a difference consistency during the preschool years makes in establishing habits, I have realized that habits are best established during the early years of child rearing.”
One caution when establishing a habit: Parents must be careful not to expect preschoolers’ small hands to perform a perfect job. The bed made by a three-year-old may still be full of wrinkles, for instance, but keep in mind that the motive behind giving preschoolers chores is habit forming rather than perfection. A daily effort will establish a habit that will improve as the child grows.
Admittedly, habit-forming in preschoolers takes time and consistency. You as the parent must remember, however, that preschoolers are much more eager to learn new domestic skills (i.e.: chores) than they will be when they are older. With repetition and consistency, what is now a chore in their eyes will eventually become a habit—and don’t be surprised if they think it came naturally.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tween Hospitality
School is only half day today, so I told my boys they could bring friends home (next half day is the girls' turn). As my house is more full than usual, I remembered this piece I wrote when I first discovered the benefits of deliberate hospitality.
This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (www.focusonyourchild.com).
Tween Hospitality
Shortly after my family relocated to Vermont, company became a regular occurrence at our house. If you’re expecting guests this summer, be deliberate about giving your tweens some guidelines so that hospitality can become a family affair.
Give up. Though tweens may have to give up their rooms, make the experience positive. “Throw a blanket over the dining table and have a camp out,” says home management expert Emilie Barnes (www.emiliebarnes.com), adding that staying positive takes the emphases off sacrifice and turns it into fun. Extra special touches such as leaving candy on the pillow or special soaps in the bathroom are easy ways to keep the focus on guests.
Fess up. Shortly before your company arrives, call a casual family meeting to talk about the visit. Let kids express both positive and negative feelings, and give them an accurate picture of what the week will look like. “Ask your kids for ideas,” says Barnes, “about ways to have fun with your company.” After guests leave, Barnes suggests another talk about the visit. “You can ask kids questions like ‘What are three things that you learned from this visit?’ or ‘How could the visit have gone better?’ “
Tidy up. If time permits, intentional organization will help the stay go more smoothly. “Three bags labeled give away, throw away, and put away will make the job go faster,” says Barnes, “and parents should pay attention to specific situations that stress kids out.” If your child is especially fond of the Lego models he has built, for instance, take special care to help him store it away so it won’t get broken by young guests.”
Put up. Obviously, some visits go more smoothly than others. If your tween expresses glum feelings about the visit, encourage him to be willing to put up with little irritations and inconveniences, reminding him the situation is only temporary. After the visit, use negative experiences in a constructive way to reinforce why manners are important when visiting someone’s home.
“Sitting them down and talking to them about the value of the people who are coming is so important,” Barnes concludes, “and having children be part of hosting guests is a wonderful way for those skills to carry over into their adult years.”
This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (www.focusonyourchild.com).
Tween Hospitality
Shortly after my family relocated to Vermont, company became a regular occurrence at our house. If you’re expecting guests this summer, be deliberate about giving your tweens some guidelines so that hospitality can become a family affair.
Give up. Though tweens may have to give up their rooms, make the experience positive. “Throw a blanket over the dining table and have a camp out,” says home management expert Emilie Barnes (www.emiliebarnes.com), adding that staying positive takes the emphases off sacrifice and turns it into fun. Extra special touches such as leaving candy on the pillow or special soaps in the bathroom are easy ways to keep the focus on guests.
Fess up. Shortly before your company arrives, call a casual family meeting to talk about the visit. Let kids express both positive and negative feelings, and give them an accurate picture of what the week will look like. “Ask your kids for ideas,” says Barnes, “about ways to have fun with your company.” After guests leave, Barnes suggests another talk about the visit. “You can ask kids questions like ‘What are three things that you learned from this visit?’ or ‘How could the visit have gone better?’ “
Tidy up. If time permits, intentional organization will help the stay go more smoothly. “Three bags labeled give away, throw away, and put away will make the job go faster,” says Barnes, “and parents should pay attention to specific situations that stress kids out.” If your child is especially fond of the Lego models he has built, for instance, take special care to help him store it away so it won’t get broken by young guests.”
Put up. Obviously, some visits go more smoothly than others. If your tween expresses glum feelings about the visit, encourage him to be willing to put up with little irritations and inconveniences, reminding him the situation is only temporary. After the visit, use negative experiences in a constructive way to reinforce why manners are important when visiting someone’s home.
“Sitting them down and talking to them about the value of the people who are coming is so important,” Barnes concludes, “and having children be part of hosting guests is a wonderful way for those skills to carry over into their adult years.”
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Beauty of Big Families
This piece came to mind today as I am heading off to meet my five older sisters tomorrow for a weekend in Atlanta. It is quite dated, originally published in May, 2002 in Memphis Parent. In fact, two of the families mentioned have gotten even bigger, as the Hatchers now have six children and the Averys have (brace yourself) ten!
My conclusion hasn't changed though--even if big families are loud, messy and expensive, I still think they are beautiful!
Being the baby of eight and the mother of nine, I know a little about big families: Thanksgiving turkeys that scarcely fit into the oven, litter strewn living rooms at Christmas, and a grocery bill that often exceeds the mortgage. But not until my mother was diagnosed with cancer did I truly understand the elements that make big families beautiful: humor, teamwork and strong relationships.
When chemotherapy made turbans a necessity, my sisters and I grabbed my dad and had a fashion show. Enter the first necessity for belonging to a big family: a sense of humor.
Are they all yours?
Jim Avery, Arlington father of eight kids ages eight weeks-12 years, says his sense of humor often comes to the rescue when he’s headed toward the boiling point. “Just last week,” says Avery, a professor at Creighton College in Memphis, Tennessee, “after a twelve hour day of teaching, I came home at 10:00 p.m., looking forward to a quiet dinner. When I walked in, the kids were still up and my wife was exhausted. I announced that I needed to throw a brief pity party, then I put the kids to bed, fixed my dinner and straightened up the house.” Avery stresses that humor is part of the color of life in a big family.
Anyone who has more than two children is routinely barraged with personal questions. But when the quota begins climbing to four or more, the comments can become exasperating—if you let them. When people comment on the size of her family, laughter comes easily to Jim’s wife, Linda. When approached with, “Are all these kids yours?” she retorts, “These are only the good ones—I left the bad ones at home.” Avery, who had planned on an engineering career, says the birth of her first child made her realize that the blessing of children far exceeds any salary or career trek she could pursue.
Going Against the Flow
While some couples don’t set out to have a myriad of children, others plan on a big family from the beginning, largely because of their own childhood experiences. Memphis parents Laura and Jeff Hatcher’s decision to have five children stemmed from Laura being an only child and not wanting her own kids to feel as isolated as she did. “I was an only child of an only child and I had nobody to learn to share, fight or negotiate with. I knew I had missed something,” says Hatcher, “and I didn’t want to pass that down to the third generation.”
A Joint Effort
So how do you match socks for twenty feet? Get five kids where they need to go? Ration enough hot water for seven baths?
“We are a team,” answers Carla Lytle, Memphis mother of eight children ages 4-17. Lytle says she and her husband, Quinton, pastor of Mighty Fortress Community Church, divide and conquer. “After dinner, for instance, one does the dishes, the other gives the baths. And the children do a healthy share of the housework, rotating chores so everyone will know how to do every chore in the house,” says Lytle, adding that a little extra effort after the kids are in bed makes a huge difference in the way she feels in the morning. “While I could sure turn in right behind the kids, I find that staying up just an extra half hour to get the house in order makes me feel much better than that extra half hour of sleep.”
“Be organized!” declares Laura Hatcher, whose strategy is to get the kids started on their chores right after breakfast before they begin their home schooling day. “Everyone helping out is essential to the household running smoothly, and kids—be they from large families or small—are done a disservice if they aren’t taught to work as a team.” Activities are limited for sanity’s sake, but when they do overlap, mom and dad go two different directions, again illustrating the importance of teamwork.
While it is often assumed that moms of large families are always ultra organized, this assumption can be misleading. “My strategy,” says Pam Flynn, mother of five boys ages five to twenty, “is having six of everything so you can always find one of something.”
The Glue That Holds
Children relish time with their parents, and though they may never have trouble finding a play mate, kids from large families are no exception. With so many daily responsibilities calling, though, how are relationships cultivated?
“It’s complicated,” admits Pam Flynn. “You have to let little stuff go--don’t worry about how many Lego’s your tripping over, but sit down and play with the Lego’s instead.”
Linda Avery seizes the moments that present themselves throughout the day. “Grabbing a ten-minute game of ‘Go Fish’ means a lot to my four year old, while my three year old wants me to read at nap time, and my eleven year old really opens up to me at night.”
“Though housework and schoolwork are always calling, making time to develop strong relationships is the glue that holds us together.”
“We grab a chunk of time with the kids whenever we can,” says Laura Hatcher, who utilizes errands and activity travel time to talk with children individually. Trips to the grocery store, the library, and the bank all hold windows of time that might present opportunities to pass down real life lessons, especially as kids get older.
With the demanding schedules of so many, parents of large families must be diligent to maintain their relationship with one another. Carla Lytle is adamant about a decent bedtime for the kids, and admits that date nights come easier now that her teenagers are eager to baby-sit for pay. Jim and Linda Avery share a ritual of having coffee together twice a day—a cup before he leaves and a cup when he gets home. “When you have a big family, you have to find relaxation in very small things,” says Linda.
Being from a big family teaches you to get along in the world. Flexibility is forced upon you, and responsibility is an expectation of every day life. You get accustomed to sharing everything, and rarely expect the pace to exceed that of a tortoise with a limp. Most of all, being from a big family carries you through the inevitable obstacles of life.
When my brothers and sisters and I congregated around my dad as he said goodbye to his wife of fifty-one years, he leaned on us. As we said goodbye to our mother, we leaned on each other, the gravity of the moment allayed only by our number.
Never has a big family looked so beautiful.
Sidebar: Big Family Facts
Linda and Jim Avery: eight children ages 8 weeks to 12 years
$700 month on groceries
four loads of laundry a day
Six gallons of milk, six loaves of bread, three dozen eggs
Laura Hatcher: five children ages two to twelve
$800 month on groceries,
Two loads of laundry a day
3 gallons of milk and two loaves of bread, 11/2 dozen eggs a week
Pam Flynn: five boys ages five to twenty
$600 a month on groceries
Eleven loads of laundry every other day
Quinton and Carla Lytle: eight children ages 4-17
$1200 a month on groceries,
three loads of laundry a day.
6 gallons of milk, six loaves of bread, two dozen eggs
My conclusion hasn't changed though--even if big families are loud, messy and expensive, I still think they are beautiful!
Being the baby of eight and the mother of nine, I know a little about big families: Thanksgiving turkeys that scarcely fit into the oven, litter strewn living rooms at Christmas, and a grocery bill that often exceeds the mortgage. But not until my mother was diagnosed with cancer did I truly understand the elements that make big families beautiful: humor, teamwork and strong relationships.
When chemotherapy made turbans a necessity, my sisters and I grabbed my dad and had a fashion show. Enter the first necessity for belonging to a big family: a sense of humor.
Are they all yours?
Jim Avery, Arlington father of eight kids ages eight weeks-12 years, says his sense of humor often comes to the rescue when he’s headed toward the boiling point. “Just last week,” says Avery, a professor at Creighton College in Memphis, Tennessee, “after a twelve hour day of teaching, I came home at 10:00 p.m., looking forward to a quiet dinner. When I walked in, the kids were still up and my wife was exhausted. I announced that I needed to throw a brief pity party, then I put the kids to bed, fixed my dinner and straightened up the house.” Avery stresses that humor is part of the color of life in a big family.
Anyone who has more than two children is routinely barraged with personal questions. But when the quota begins climbing to four or more, the comments can become exasperating—if you let them. When people comment on the size of her family, laughter comes easily to Jim’s wife, Linda. When approached with, “Are all these kids yours?” she retorts, “These are only the good ones—I left the bad ones at home.” Avery, who had planned on an engineering career, says the birth of her first child made her realize that the blessing of children far exceeds any salary or career trek she could pursue.
Going Against the Flow
While some couples don’t set out to have a myriad of children, others plan on a big family from the beginning, largely because of their own childhood experiences. Memphis parents Laura and Jeff Hatcher’s decision to have five children stemmed from Laura being an only child and not wanting her own kids to feel as isolated as she did. “I was an only child of an only child and I had nobody to learn to share, fight or negotiate with. I knew I had missed something,” says Hatcher, “and I didn’t want to pass that down to the third generation.”
A Joint Effort
So how do you match socks for twenty feet? Get five kids where they need to go? Ration enough hot water for seven baths?
“We are a team,” answers Carla Lytle, Memphis mother of eight children ages 4-17. Lytle says she and her husband, Quinton, pastor of Mighty Fortress Community Church, divide and conquer. “After dinner, for instance, one does the dishes, the other gives the baths. And the children do a healthy share of the housework, rotating chores so everyone will know how to do every chore in the house,” says Lytle, adding that a little extra effort after the kids are in bed makes a huge difference in the way she feels in the morning. “While I could sure turn in right behind the kids, I find that staying up just an extra half hour to get the house in order makes me feel much better than that extra half hour of sleep.”
“Be organized!” declares Laura Hatcher, whose strategy is to get the kids started on their chores right after breakfast before they begin their home schooling day. “Everyone helping out is essential to the household running smoothly, and kids—be they from large families or small—are done a disservice if they aren’t taught to work as a team.” Activities are limited for sanity’s sake, but when they do overlap, mom and dad go two different directions, again illustrating the importance of teamwork.
While it is often assumed that moms of large families are always ultra organized, this assumption can be misleading. “My strategy,” says Pam Flynn, mother of five boys ages five to twenty, “is having six of everything so you can always find one of something.”
The Glue That Holds
Children relish time with their parents, and though they may never have trouble finding a play mate, kids from large families are no exception. With so many daily responsibilities calling, though, how are relationships cultivated?
“It’s complicated,” admits Pam Flynn. “You have to let little stuff go--don’t worry about how many Lego’s your tripping over, but sit down and play with the Lego’s instead.”
Linda Avery seizes the moments that present themselves throughout the day. “Grabbing a ten-minute game of ‘Go Fish’ means a lot to my four year old, while my three year old wants me to read at nap time, and my eleven year old really opens up to me at night.”
“Though housework and schoolwork are always calling, making time to develop strong relationships is the glue that holds us together.”
“We grab a chunk of time with the kids whenever we can,” says Laura Hatcher, who utilizes errands and activity travel time to talk with children individually. Trips to the grocery store, the library, and the bank all hold windows of time that might present opportunities to pass down real life lessons, especially as kids get older.
With the demanding schedules of so many, parents of large families must be diligent to maintain their relationship with one another. Carla Lytle is adamant about a decent bedtime for the kids, and admits that date nights come easier now that her teenagers are eager to baby-sit for pay. Jim and Linda Avery share a ritual of having coffee together twice a day—a cup before he leaves and a cup when he gets home. “When you have a big family, you have to find relaxation in very small things,” says Linda.
Being from a big family teaches you to get along in the world. Flexibility is forced upon you, and responsibility is an expectation of every day life. You get accustomed to sharing everything, and rarely expect the pace to exceed that of a tortoise with a limp. Most of all, being from a big family carries you through the inevitable obstacles of life.
When my brothers and sisters and I congregated around my dad as he said goodbye to his wife of fifty-one years, he leaned on us. As we said goodbye to our mother, we leaned on each other, the gravity of the moment allayed only by our number.
Never has a big family looked so beautiful.
Sidebar: Big Family Facts
Linda and Jim Avery: eight children ages 8 weeks to 12 years
$700 month on groceries
four loads of laundry a day
Six gallons of milk, six loaves of bread, three dozen eggs
Laura Hatcher: five children ages two to twelve
$800 month on groceries,
Two loads of laundry a day
3 gallons of milk and two loaves of bread, 11/2 dozen eggs a week
Pam Flynn: five boys ages five to twenty
$600 a month on groceries
Eleven loads of laundry every other day
Quinton and Carla Lytle: eight children ages 4-17
$1200 a month on groceries,
three loads of laundry a day.
6 gallons of milk, six loaves of bread, two dozen eggs
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Helping Kids Avoid Burnout
I came across this piece written several years ago and thought it was timely since school just started back up. With seven kids still at home, I have two football players, three in soccer, one ballerina, one drummer and one violist. Toss homework and an infant in there and life can be utter chaos! This piece appeared in Memphis Parent, though I can't find a date on the original clip. (Incidentally, the ambitous dancer mentioned is now a soloist for American Ballet Theater in NYC (http://www.abt.org/dancers) and the spokesperson for Payless Shoe Source Spotlight shoes-- to boot!
Parent to Parent: Helping Kids Avoid Burnout
“When we leave ballet, she does her homework in the car on the way to piano,” I overheard a dad say in the lobby. At the time, I confess, I couldn’t believe he would allow his child to be so busy. Now that I have a few years of parenting under my belt, however, I’m posing a different question: How can I avoid it?
Baseball, ballet, scouts, homework, church activities, music lessons. It’s a fact: kids are busier than ever. Unfortunately, it’s not always healthy, says Dr. Floyd Covey, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist in Memphis. Parents must be cautious of placing unrealistic expectations on their children, says Covey.
To help your kids avoid burnout, follow a few simple guidelines.
Take Off the Pressure
When kids perceive that busyness pleases their parents, says Covey, they begin to experience burnout—functioning because parents want them to instead of for the joy of it. Parents must be cautious about conveying the message the busier the better. “This can be done,” says Covey, “by placing two or three activities before kids and allowing them to choose one.” Covey adds that it is difficult for children to know how to pace themselves. By parents taking the initiative and doing the pacing for them, they affirm to their kids that it is okay if every moment isn’t filled with activity.
Set Some Rules
Susie Carlson, Cordova mother of three, relies on a few house rules to protect her kids from burn out. By only allowing them to do activities with friends one night per weekend, she says, they get the quiet time they need to wind down from a busy school week. “And,” she quickly adds, “we don’t own any electronic games such as Nintendo or Play Station, and we own very few computer games.” By setting limits on her kids’ busyness during their downtime, she helps them maintain a balanced schedule, which, hopefully, they will carry into adulthood.
Wait a while
Do kids really need to start gymnastics at two and piano at three? Do they need to start t-ball before they start kindergarten in order to keep up when they’re older? Bonnie Bagwell, an Atlanta mother of two, says no. While her son, Alex, has always been involved in at least one sport at a time, she postponed the demanding schedule of football—often five nights a week—until his eighth grade year. Not only has it made him more eager to do well, she says, but also he is not burned out, as are some kids his age. “Starting older seems to have made him want it more, and he is doing just as well as his peers who have been playing for years” she says. “With all the choices kids have today, it is easy for them to overdo it at an early age, and I don’t regret his ‘late’ start.”
Listen to Your Kids After seven years of ballet, just prior to getting “on Pointe” (up on her toes), my daughter, Bethany, began to repeatedly say she wanted to quit. I confess at first I resisted. All I could see was the thousands of dollars, not to mention hours, I had invested in my little ballerina. I reluctantly resigned myself to letting her quite, however, and now I am glad she stopped before even more money and hours, and the pain involved in learning Pointe. She simply does not miss it and is happy to have the freedom to pursue voice and drama. If your child’s interests are starting to expand, take the time to re-evaluate her likes and dislikes.
Drastic Measures
Former Memphian Melinda Lane says that sometimes even one activity can consume a family, as by the time her daughter was in high school, she was dancing 30+ hours a week. Being a professional dancer has long been her daughter’s dream, she explains, but when school demands combined with the rigorous ballet schedule pushed her stress level to the max, she knew something had to change. “When Sara said she felt like crying all the time,” says Lane, “I sat her down and gave her an ultimatum: decide if she wanted to continue in dance and be home schooled in order to make it manageable, or quit dance, stay in public school and go on to college.” She chose the dance, and has been grateful for the freedom to focus on ballet.
Organize
Perhaps you, as I do, have a child who doesn’t fill his social calendar to the max. Though some kids schedules may not be as full as others, homework alone is enough to hurl them headlong into burnout. What’s more, kids who prefer a more relaxed pace may be even more susceptible to burnout than those who enjoy constant activity. Keeping them organized is one way parents can help. I go through back packs the minute my school age kids come through the door, for instance. Forms are signed, checks are written, back packs are repacked and ready for the next day. Encourage your child to take initiative by packing their backpacks at night with everything from pencils to lunch money. In addition, teaching them good time management skills can give them an edge over lengthy homework assignments.
It’s a parent’s job to help children find their niche, allowing them to dabble in a variety of activities so they can discover their talents and say to themselves, “Hey, I’m good at that!” In between events, though, kids need time to relax, to think, to just be plain bored. Without this down time, stress will undoubtedly invade and steal the simple pleasures of being a kid. The simple pleasure, need I remind you, that each of us may indulge in only once.
Sidebar: Symptoms of Burnout (Source: Dr. Floyd Covey,Memphis, Tennessee)
Because kids don’t know how to pace themselves, you may need to intervene if you observe one or more of these symptoms:
Irritability
Disinterested in School Work
Withdrawal
Alienation
Unprovoked Crying
Parent to Parent: Helping Kids Avoid Burnout
“When we leave ballet, she does her homework in the car on the way to piano,” I overheard a dad say in the lobby. At the time, I confess, I couldn’t believe he would allow his child to be so busy. Now that I have a few years of parenting under my belt, however, I’m posing a different question: How can I avoid it?
Baseball, ballet, scouts, homework, church activities, music lessons. It’s a fact: kids are busier than ever. Unfortunately, it’s not always healthy, says Dr. Floyd Covey, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist in Memphis. Parents must be cautious of placing unrealistic expectations on their children, says Covey.
To help your kids avoid burnout, follow a few simple guidelines.
Take Off the Pressure
When kids perceive that busyness pleases their parents, says Covey, they begin to experience burnout—functioning because parents want them to instead of for the joy of it. Parents must be cautious about conveying the message the busier the better. “This can be done,” says Covey, “by placing two or three activities before kids and allowing them to choose one.” Covey adds that it is difficult for children to know how to pace themselves. By parents taking the initiative and doing the pacing for them, they affirm to their kids that it is okay if every moment isn’t filled with activity.
Set Some Rules
Susie Carlson, Cordova mother of three, relies on a few house rules to protect her kids from burn out. By only allowing them to do activities with friends one night per weekend, she says, they get the quiet time they need to wind down from a busy school week. “And,” she quickly adds, “we don’t own any electronic games such as Nintendo or Play Station, and we own very few computer games.” By setting limits on her kids’ busyness during their downtime, she helps them maintain a balanced schedule, which, hopefully, they will carry into adulthood.
Wait a while
Do kids really need to start gymnastics at two and piano at three? Do they need to start t-ball before they start kindergarten in order to keep up when they’re older? Bonnie Bagwell, an Atlanta mother of two, says no. While her son, Alex, has always been involved in at least one sport at a time, she postponed the demanding schedule of football—often five nights a week—until his eighth grade year. Not only has it made him more eager to do well, she says, but also he is not burned out, as are some kids his age. “Starting older seems to have made him want it more, and he is doing just as well as his peers who have been playing for years” she says. “With all the choices kids have today, it is easy for them to overdo it at an early age, and I don’t regret his ‘late’ start.”
Listen to Your Kids After seven years of ballet, just prior to getting “on Pointe” (up on her toes), my daughter, Bethany, began to repeatedly say she wanted to quit. I confess at first I resisted. All I could see was the thousands of dollars, not to mention hours, I had invested in my little ballerina. I reluctantly resigned myself to letting her quite, however, and now I am glad she stopped before even more money and hours, and the pain involved in learning Pointe. She simply does not miss it and is happy to have the freedom to pursue voice and drama. If your child’s interests are starting to expand, take the time to re-evaluate her likes and dislikes.
Drastic Measures
Former Memphian Melinda Lane says that sometimes even one activity can consume a family, as by the time her daughter was in high school, she was dancing 30+ hours a week. Being a professional dancer has long been her daughter’s dream, she explains, but when school demands combined with the rigorous ballet schedule pushed her stress level to the max, she knew something had to change. “When Sara said she felt like crying all the time,” says Lane, “I sat her down and gave her an ultimatum: decide if she wanted to continue in dance and be home schooled in order to make it manageable, or quit dance, stay in public school and go on to college.” She chose the dance, and has been grateful for the freedom to focus on ballet.
Organize
Perhaps you, as I do, have a child who doesn’t fill his social calendar to the max. Though some kids schedules may not be as full as others, homework alone is enough to hurl them headlong into burnout. What’s more, kids who prefer a more relaxed pace may be even more susceptible to burnout than those who enjoy constant activity. Keeping them organized is one way parents can help. I go through back packs the minute my school age kids come through the door, for instance. Forms are signed, checks are written, back packs are repacked and ready for the next day. Encourage your child to take initiative by packing their backpacks at night with everything from pencils to lunch money. In addition, teaching them good time management skills can give them an edge over lengthy homework assignments.
It’s a parent’s job to help children find their niche, allowing them to dabble in a variety of activities so they can discover their talents and say to themselves, “Hey, I’m good at that!” In between events, though, kids need time to relax, to think, to just be plain bored. Without this down time, stress will undoubtedly invade and steal the simple pleasures of being a kid. The simple pleasure, need I remind you, that each of us may indulge in only once.
Sidebar: Symptoms of Burnout (Source: Dr. Floyd Covey,Memphis, Tennessee)
Because kids don’t know how to pace themselves, you may need to intervene if you observe one or more of these symptoms:
Irritability
Disinterested in School Work
Withdrawal
Alienation
Unprovoked Crying
Monday, September 17, 2007
Happy Endings
With flu season lurking around the corner, no doubt droves of parents will be taking their kids for flu shots (which I believe in, much to the chagrin of my children). Two years ago I found myself on my own for flu shots for five. Emma (see story below) was wailing and flailing. Older sister, Mary volunteered to go first to show Emma it wasn't that bad. Toddler Dorothy was busy peeling off the Band-aids that the nurse had lined up on the table. I asked my 16-year-old Bethany to go stand by Mary, as I could tell she was nervous. The nurse thumped the syringe; Bethany looked at the needle, then looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't feel so good." Then she fainted. Emma was still wailing, Dorothy was still peeling Band-aids and Bethany was out cold. It was the most humorous flu shot trip I've ever experienced.
This piece originally appeared in the newsletter Focus on Your Child (www.family.org).
When the time came to get flu shots for my kids last fall, I knew I would meet protests. I had no inkling, however, of how it would affect my 4-year-old, Emma. Hours after the shot, she was still in tears. Three days later, something triggered her memory of the shot and we were right back to square one. After a week, she seemed to have forgotten about it--until she watched the movie Beethoven.
At the end of the film, the "bad guy" gets what's coming to him in the form of 20 plus syringes being knocked off a table and into his stomach. Of all the things for Emma to see! She cried for hours, days even. We were farther back than square one.
Finally, an idea came to me that I had used as a child.
"Emma, when Mommy was little and I had scary thoughts in my mind," I explained, "I would change the ending to something funny."
No response, so I pressed on. "Let's pretend that instead of needles, it was feathers sticking out of those shots, and when they hit that man in the stomach, the feathers tickled him so much that he couldn't stop laughing!"
Her crying shifted to a whine; I could tell I had her attention.
"Or how about chocolate syrup? Or mustard?" I continued, grasping for ideas.
"Or macaroni and cheese!" she said with a triumphant giggle.
We spent the next few minutes thinking of more possibilities; then she skipped away to play.
A few days later, her 6-year-old sister, Mary, had a bad dream, and I tried the idea again. It brought the same results, turning tears into giggles.
Now, whenever one of my small children can't rid their minds of menacing thoughts, we think of happy endings until their fears disappear.
This piece originally appeared in the newsletter Focus on Your Child (www.family.org).
When the time came to get flu shots for my kids last fall, I knew I would meet protests. I had no inkling, however, of how it would affect my 4-year-old, Emma. Hours after the shot, she was still in tears. Three days later, something triggered her memory of the shot and we were right back to square one. After a week, she seemed to have forgotten about it--until she watched the movie Beethoven.
At the end of the film, the "bad guy" gets what's coming to him in the form of 20 plus syringes being knocked off a table and into his stomach. Of all the things for Emma to see! She cried for hours, days even. We were farther back than square one.
Finally, an idea came to me that I had used as a child.
"Emma, when Mommy was little and I had scary thoughts in my mind," I explained, "I would change the ending to something funny."
No response, so I pressed on. "Let's pretend that instead of needles, it was feathers sticking out of those shots, and when they hit that man in the stomach, the feathers tickled him so much that he couldn't stop laughing!"
Her crying shifted to a whine; I could tell I had her attention.
"Or how about chocolate syrup? Or mustard?" I continued, grasping for ideas.
"Or macaroni and cheese!" she said with a triumphant giggle.
We spent the next few minutes thinking of more possibilities; then she skipped away to play.
A few days later, her 6-year-old sister, Mary, had a bad dream, and I tried the idea again. It brought the same results, turning tears into giggles.
Now, whenever one of my small children can't rid their minds of menacing thoughts, we think of happy endings until their fears disappear.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Frugal Families
The air is already chilly in New England, and my children were begging me to buy them some long pants as they got ready for school this week. When I discovered the price for new jeans at my favorite store was $25 a pair, I headed to my trusty consignment shop where I clothed four of my kids (ten pairs of pants and four shirts) for just under $100. And the best part is I had a $57 credit from selling their old clothes, so the whole trip only cost me $43. The shopping trip reminded me I had written on the topic not too long ago.
This piece originally appeared in Memphis Parent, September, 2006.
As a mother of nine, I am constantly looking for ways to pare back the budget. I buy marked down meat, I shop consignment, I dilute the conditioner with water. My husband, bless him, takes his lunch and often rides the bus from a free parking lot so he can skip the $5.50 a day fee for parking in the company garage. Still, I know there’s money out there somewhere I could be saving. I decided to not only ask some other moms, but also the experts about the most common components of the budget and how they maintain a frugal family lifestyle without missing out on the finer—and funner—things in life.
Groceries
Without a doubt, the grocery bill is one of the biggest expenses of many households. Stephanie Nelson, also known as The Coupon Mom (couponmom.com) offers this advice for families. “Don’t plan your meals and then go shopping, plan your meals around what’s on sale.” Nelson encourages shoppers to know what the best prices are for the household staples, even if it is only the top ten items. If you know that $1.99 is lowest price for boneless chicken, for instance, and you know you’re going to have it every week, stock up on it when it is on sale. “Once you get in the cycle of stocking up on key items that is when you see grocery budget go down.”
After learning your prices, take savings a step further by being armed with the appropriate coupons when you shop. “Think of coupons as free money,” she says, emphasizing that when you can hand someone a piece of paper and save money, it’s as good as currency.
Clothing
“Shop consignment sales for play clothes and yard sales for toys,” says mother of two, Leigh Ann Roman. A bunk bed valued at $400 for only $50 is just one of the purchases where she saved a bundle.
Perusing the end of season sales is also a great way to save on brand new clothing. Last August, for instance, I bought two of my girls, ages 7 and 8, three pairs of sandals for just $2.00 a pair. From LL Bean to Wal-Mart, everyone has clearance sales, and buying summer clothes in August and winter clothes in January often results in a savings of more than 50 percent.
Entertainment
Saving money on entertainment is just a matter of planning, says Nancy Twigg, author of Celebrate Simply and editor of Counting the Cost Newsletter (countingthecost.com). “Look for every discount you can get,” says Twigg, “and make the paid entertainment or meals out a special treat instead of the norm.” Some alternatives to paying full price include second run movies, early bird specials and the community events section of the local paper to find free or inexpensive happenings.
Adopting two children from overseas caused Joe and Gerri Thomas to adjust their leisure activities. “We have redefined what entertainment is,” says Gerri. Instead of ordering a full dinner when dining out, for example, the Thomases often order 2 or 3 appetizers for speed and variety. “And when we need a night out, we never pay a babysitter but swap with other couples.”
Gifts
With nine kids, birthday parties were often our budget buster. That is, until a total stranger in a check out line told me about her gift closet when I was complaining that sometimes I lose gifts when I buy them too far ahead. By shopping year round for gifts, I’ve found presents for as little as $3.00—and when I stash them all in the same spot (my gift closet) there’s no more rummaging through the house in a mad search, which helps me avoid replacing things I’ve already bought.
Sometimes the best gifts are homemade, says Gerri Thomas. “Last Valentine’s Day my husband got creative and helped the girls glue the Chinese symbols for “I love you” with colored rice. It meant a lot to me,” she adds, “because our daughters, Gabriella, 3, and Alexandra, 2, were adopted from China and Kazakhstan, which borders Russia and China.” The Thomases are planning a third adoption next year.
Thomas adds that for additional savings on gifts, she and her girlfriends have agreed to keep the cost in the White Elephant range when exchanging gifts with one another.
Be strategic
Get out of debt, adds Roman, adding that enrolling in Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace course enlightened her and her husband to just how much debt costs. “We paid off our credit cards and canceled them, then using all that extra money to pay off our cars,” she says. “Once that was done, we started saving all of our extra money and saved quite a nice little nest egg so that when I got pregnant, we bought a car outright. And I was able to stay home with our kids, which was our priority.”
Saving money is like dieting, says Stephanie Nelson. “You have to make it fun or it becomes a rather depressing task, so set goals so that when you ask yourself why you’re saving, you will have an answer.” After you’ve set goals, be sure and track your spending so you always know where you stand. “When you are aware of your bank balance, you can tweak your budget by refraining from that dinner out at the end of the month if you’re short.”
Whether the goal is a vacation or a second car, frugal families know that living within their means is worth the sacrifice. “We still have no car notes or credit card bills,” says Roman. “You don't want to be on an endless treadmill of working to pay bills that never seem to go away. You need to take charge of your money and not let it run you.”
Sidebar: Surf these money saving websites
Ehealthinsurance.com: Allows you to compare rates and coverage of many different companies.
www.freecycle.com and memphistnareafreecycle.com: a variety of free items with the only catch being you pick up.
Longtermparking.com: clip coupons for most airports in the country
Citypass.com offers discount passes for big city events
Citysearch.com: lets you in on free things to do in major cities
Kidseatfree.com: a state by state list of restaurants where kids eat free
Secretshopper.com: Apply to become a mystery shopper and get free stuff
Sidestep.com: searches all the travel sites so that everything is in one place when you’re looking for the cheapest airline ticket, rental car or hotel.
Entertainment.com: coupons for anywhere in the country, and the book is half price even though the coupons don’t expire until Novemember. Don’t want the whole book? You can pay a small monthly fee and print only the coupons you need.
Couponmom.com: helps you organize coupons and maximize savings by eliminating the need for clipping
Thegrocerygame.com: tracks trends in pricing to help consumers know when prices are at their lowest (small fee)
Countingthecost.com: resources for living simply, frugally and purposefully
Debtproofliving.com: (formerly Cheapskatemonthly.com) Author and speaker Mary Hunt’s guide to getting and staying out of debt. Hundreds of money saving tips here with new ones available every month to subscribers.
Elliekay.com: “America’s Family Financial Expert” Ellie Kay offers specific ideas on how new brides, kids, military families and everybody else can spend less and save more.
This piece originally appeared in Memphis Parent, September, 2006.
As a mother of nine, I am constantly looking for ways to pare back the budget. I buy marked down meat, I shop consignment, I dilute the conditioner with water. My husband, bless him, takes his lunch and often rides the bus from a free parking lot so he can skip the $5.50 a day fee for parking in the company garage. Still, I know there’s money out there somewhere I could be saving. I decided to not only ask some other moms, but also the experts about the most common components of the budget and how they maintain a frugal family lifestyle without missing out on the finer—and funner—things in life.
Groceries
Without a doubt, the grocery bill is one of the biggest expenses of many households. Stephanie Nelson, also known as The Coupon Mom (couponmom.com) offers this advice for families. “Don’t plan your meals and then go shopping, plan your meals around what’s on sale.” Nelson encourages shoppers to know what the best prices are for the household staples, even if it is only the top ten items. If you know that $1.99 is lowest price for boneless chicken, for instance, and you know you’re going to have it every week, stock up on it when it is on sale. “Once you get in the cycle of stocking up on key items that is when you see grocery budget go down.”
After learning your prices, take savings a step further by being armed with the appropriate coupons when you shop. “Think of coupons as free money,” she says, emphasizing that when you can hand someone a piece of paper and save money, it’s as good as currency.
Clothing
“Shop consignment sales for play clothes and yard sales for toys,” says mother of two, Leigh Ann Roman. A bunk bed valued at $400 for only $50 is just one of the purchases where she saved a bundle.
Perusing the end of season sales is also a great way to save on brand new clothing. Last August, for instance, I bought two of my girls, ages 7 and 8, three pairs of sandals for just $2.00 a pair. From LL Bean to Wal-Mart, everyone has clearance sales, and buying summer clothes in August and winter clothes in January often results in a savings of more than 50 percent.
Entertainment
Saving money on entertainment is just a matter of planning, says Nancy Twigg, author of Celebrate Simply and editor of Counting the Cost Newsletter (countingthecost.com). “Look for every discount you can get,” says Twigg, “and make the paid entertainment or meals out a special treat instead of the norm.” Some alternatives to paying full price include second run movies, early bird specials and the community events section of the local paper to find free or inexpensive happenings.
Adopting two children from overseas caused Joe and Gerri Thomas to adjust their leisure activities. “We have redefined what entertainment is,” says Gerri. Instead of ordering a full dinner when dining out, for example, the Thomases often order 2 or 3 appetizers for speed and variety. “And when we need a night out, we never pay a babysitter but swap with other couples.”
Gifts
With nine kids, birthday parties were often our budget buster. That is, until a total stranger in a check out line told me about her gift closet when I was complaining that sometimes I lose gifts when I buy them too far ahead. By shopping year round for gifts, I’ve found presents for as little as $3.00—and when I stash them all in the same spot (my gift closet) there’s no more rummaging through the house in a mad search, which helps me avoid replacing things I’ve already bought.
Sometimes the best gifts are homemade, says Gerri Thomas. “Last Valentine’s Day my husband got creative and helped the girls glue the Chinese symbols for “I love you” with colored rice. It meant a lot to me,” she adds, “because our daughters, Gabriella, 3, and Alexandra, 2, were adopted from China and Kazakhstan, which borders Russia and China.” The Thomases are planning a third adoption next year.
Thomas adds that for additional savings on gifts, she and her girlfriends have agreed to keep the cost in the White Elephant range when exchanging gifts with one another.
Be strategic
Get out of debt, adds Roman, adding that enrolling in Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace course enlightened her and her husband to just how much debt costs. “We paid off our credit cards and canceled them, then using all that extra money to pay off our cars,” she says. “Once that was done, we started saving all of our extra money and saved quite a nice little nest egg so that when I got pregnant, we bought a car outright. And I was able to stay home with our kids, which was our priority.”
Saving money is like dieting, says Stephanie Nelson. “You have to make it fun or it becomes a rather depressing task, so set goals so that when you ask yourself why you’re saving, you will have an answer.” After you’ve set goals, be sure and track your spending so you always know where you stand. “When you are aware of your bank balance, you can tweak your budget by refraining from that dinner out at the end of the month if you’re short.”
Whether the goal is a vacation or a second car, frugal families know that living within their means is worth the sacrifice. “We still have no car notes or credit card bills,” says Roman. “You don't want to be on an endless treadmill of working to pay bills that never seem to go away. You need to take charge of your money and not let it run you.”
Sidebar: Surf these money saving websites
Ehealthinsurance.com: Allows you to compare rates and coverage of many different companies.
www.freecycle.com and memphistnareafreecycle.com: a variety of free items with the only catch being you pick up.
Longtermparking.com: clip coupons for most airports in the country
Citypass.com offers discount passes for big city events
Citysearch.com: lets you in on free things to do in major cities
Kidseatfree.com: a state by state list of restaurants where kids eat free
Secretshopper.com: Apply to become a mystery shopper and get free stuff
Sidestep.com: searches all the travel sites so that everything is in one place when you’re looking for the cheapest airline ticket, rental car or hotel.
Entertainment.com: coupons for anywhere in the country, and the book is half price even though the coupons don’t expire until Novemember. Don’t want the whole book? You can pay a small monthly fee and print only the coupons you need.
Couponmom.com: helps you organize coupons and maximize savings by eliminating the need for clipping
Thegrocerygame.com: tracks trends in pricing to help consumers know when prices are at their lowest (small fee)
Countingthecost.com: resources for living simply, frugally and purposefully
Debtproofliving.com: (formerly Cheapskatemonthly.com) Author and speaker Mary Hunt’s guide to getting and staying out of debt. Hundreds of money saving tips here with new ones available every month to subscribers.
Elliekay.com: “America’s Family Financial Expert” Ellie Kay offers specific ideas on how new brides, kids, military families and everybody else can spend less and save more.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
The Philosophy of Football
With September being the start of football season all across the country, I penned my thoughts on the sport when my sons began playing. Despite the ongoing controversies in the NFL, I still like football and think it benefits young boys tremendously. This piece originally appeared in the September, 2003, issue of Memphis Parent.
My childhood was immersed in football. Both my brothers played, and my dad whooped and hollered in our living room every time the Redskins were on TV. I was even a cheerleader. So being the mother of five sons, one might think I had an inkling of football in my future. I didn’t, however, and it wasn’t until two of my boys decided to play one year that I became aware of the intensity of the sport. Not just the physicality on the field, but the dedication that goes into practice as well.
My high schooler, for instance, had summertime workouts five days a week. They were considered optional until August 1, but those who wanted to be ready for that first kick-off were there. At summer’s end came a week of two-a-days, then with the start of school, practice until 6:00 p.m., Monday-Friday. My ten-year-old also practiced five nights a week, even during school until the season starts. Football jerseys, I've concluded, are earned.
In my early years of parenting, I would have immediately dismissed the possibility of so much busyness. I can hear myself debating, “Driving kids to practice every night? Pads cost how much?” and thinking parents who do it must be out of their minds. I even plead guilty to raising my eyebrows at my football mom friends as I witnessed how much money and time they invested in the sport during the season—to say nothing of the risks of injury I thought they were taking. I’m afraid I have to call time out and take it all back; as now that I have become one of them—a football mom—my eyes have been opened to the impact this sport can have on the lives of kids.
From the stands, or the living room, football appears to only be about winning, loosing and hitting. But to the participants—be they players, parents or coaches—football is about teamwork and reaching goals. It is local business owners supplying everything from ice to gear, and booster clubs that transform mild mannered mothers into fund raising maniacs. Football is about coaches who offer kids a physical slap on the back or a verbal kick in the pants-whichever is needed most at the time. It’s washing muddy practice jerseys Monday through Friday and helping at carwashes on Saturdays. Football is parents working together and setting an example that in turn, encourages kids to work together.
For years my boys have played soccer, baseball and basketball and received a lot in return. But never have they participated in a sport that required so much from them—strength of body as well as mind. Football has expanded their boundaries and changed their whole concept of being a team player. "I've never seen such team work," my oldest son stated shortly after joining the team, "I didn't even know it existed."
Football coaches speak a language that mothers just don’t speak—or sometimes shouldn’t speak, my son reminded me with a knowing grin. Nevertheless, coaches give a constant reminder to my boys of their capabilities, and that football is about excelling. He teaches them that goals are reached yard by yard, and dedication and discipline are two key ingredients to achievement.
"How was it?" I asked my ten year old as he exited the field after practice.
"Great! I wanted to tackle and I wanted to be tackled; I got to do both."
You can learn a lot about life from football. Sometimes you tackle—hit hard but play fair. Sometimes you get tackled—roll with it and get back up. Stay positive, even when you’re losing. Be a team player. Push yourself beyond that which you think you are capable. When you fumble—and you will—own up to it, but finish the game.
Football is not just a sport, it’s a philosophy. It’s a way of thinking that is steered by grit and staying power; a state of mind that champions perseverance and determination. Being a football mom has convinced me the positives of the sport far outweigh the negatives. And the philosophy of football is one that I hope my boys carry with them years after they've left the field.
My childhood was immersed in football. Both my brothers played, and my dad whooped and hollered in our living room every time the Redskins were on TV. I was even a cheerleader. So being the mother of five sons, one might think I had an inkling of football in my future. I didn’t, however, and it wasn’t until two of my boys decided to play one year that I became aware of the intensity of the sport. Not just the physicality on the field, but the dedication that goes into practice as well.
My high schooler, for instance, had summertime workouts five days a week. They were considered optional until August 1, but those who wanted to be ready for that first kick-off were there. At summer’s end came a week of two-a-days, then with the start of school, practice until 6:00 p.m., Monday-Friday. My ten-year-old also practiced five nights a week, even during school until the season starts. Football jerseys, I've concluded, are earned.
In my early years of parenting, I would have immediately dismissed the possibility of so much busyness. I can hear myself debating, “Driving kids to practice every night? Pads cost how much?” and thinking parents who do it must be out of their minds. I even plead guilty to raising my eyebrows at my football mom friends as I witnessed how much money and time they invested in the sport during the season—to say nothing of the risks of injury I thought they were taking. I’m afraid I have to call time out and take it all back; as now that I have become one of them—a football mom—my eyes have been opened to the impact this sport can have on the lives of kids.
From the stands, or the living room, football appears to only be about winning, loosing and hitting. But to the participants—be they players, parents or coaches—football is about teamwork and reaching goals. It is local business owners supplying everything from ice to gear, and booster clubs that transform mild mannered mothers into fund raising maniacs. Football is about coaches who offer kids a physical slap on the back or a verbal kick in the pants-whichever is needed most at the time. It’s washing muddy practice jerseys Monday through Friday and helping at carwashes on Saturdays. Football is parents working together and setting an example that in turn, encourages kids to work together.
For years my boys have played soccer, baseball and basketball and received a lot in return. But never have they participated in a sport that required so much from them—strength of body as well as mind. Football has expanded their boundaries and changed their whole concept of being a team player. "I've never seen such team work," my oldest son stated shortly after joining the team, "I didn't even know it existed."
Football coaches speak a language that mothers just don’t speak—or sometimes shouldn’t speak, my son reminded me with a knowing grin. Nevertheless, coaches give a constant reminder to my boys of their capabilities, and that football is about excelling. He teaches them that goals are reached yard by yard, and dedication and discipline are two key ingredients to achievement.
"How was it?" I asked my ten year old as he exited the field after practice.
"Great! I wanted to tackle and I wanted to be tackled; I got to do both."
You can learn a lot about life from football. Sometimes you tackle—hit hard but play fair. Sometimes you get tackled—roll with it and get back up. Stay positive, even when you’re losing. Be a team player. Push yourself beyond that which you think you are capable. When you fumble—and you will—own up to it, but finish the game.
Football is not just a sport, it’s a philosophy. It’s a way of thinking that is steered by grit and staying power; a state of mind that champions perseverance and determination. Being a football mom has convinced me the positives of the sport far outweigh the negatives. And the philosophy of football is one that I hope my boys carry with them years after they've left the field.
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