Hiring a Mothers Helper

I managed to get to the grocery store by myself today but did spot a mom with three wailing preschoolers. I remember those days (and am still in them, in fact). But my discovery this year of a Mother's Helper has changed my life, so I wanted to share it. Conclusion: A little help goes a long way.



This piece appeared in the June, 2007, issue of Memphis Parent.


“Mrs. Sims,” my babysitter piped up while I was writing her a check after a recent dinner out, “I charge $5 an hour for babysitting, but I only charge $2 an hour for being a Mother’s Helper.” While I was a little sketchy on what a Mother’s Helper was, I did know one thing: Clare was hired. After all, with my ninth (yes, ninth) child soon to arrive, I had been pondering an affordable way to make it all work. A Mother’s Helper seemed a good place to start. As of this writing, I have just completed my first week of having a Mother’s Helper, and I wonder how I’ve managed without her. She falls somewhere between a big sister and Maria Von Trapp, and her presence changes the whole dynamic of our household. Whether you’re a stay at home or a mom who works outside the home, here are some guidelines to help you find that extra pair of hands.


Make your expectations clear. Clare’s first week took place the last week of February, during my kids’ winter break (a much anticipated time off here in Vermont). A few weeks before she came, I sent her a note via email as a friendly guideline of what my expectations were and when she would be paid (at the end of every week). Every morning when she arrived, I briefed her on the day’s agenda.


What a MH does. As the saying goes, you have to inspect what you expect. Good advice, but I often fail to follow up on my kids’ responsibilities. Consequently, this is one area I knew I needed my MH’s assistance. I give her a list of my children’s chores, and she oversees them, making sure they are done completely. ·


What a MH doesn’t do. It is important to remember that a Mother’s Helper is not a housekeeper, cook or maid. I am certain if I had my MH cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry instead of the hands-on activities with the kids, everyone in the house would be frustrated.

Find a good fit. Make sure your choice for a MH is compatible not only with your children but also with you. While a confident MH is a plus, an over-confident helper is a minus. Remember this is not usually a sitter, so it needs to be someone with whom you are compatible; someone who works with you more than for you. (Though I have found that having a Mother’s Helper who is also old enough to baby-sit when I need her to is a real advantage.)


In case of a misfit. If you’re unsure about your choice for a MH, do a trial-run (without necessarily telling her it’s a trial run) to find out if the fit is a good one. If you find success during the initial period (success being defined as when the positives outweigh the negatives) offer your Mother’s Helper a long-term job.

Working out the particulars. When Clare completes one week I give her a head’s up for the next week, so she can check her schedule. I pay at week’s end, and, just so we’re clear, I make sure to write out an invoice showing her hours and pay rate. Though her mom offered to bring her over and pick her up every day (she lives just down the street), I arrange our outings so that I can drop her off on the way home whenever possible.

Be flexible. As our first week together progressed, I decided to switch from a list of structured chores to “seven minutes of cleanup” where all the kids get as much done as they can in seven minutes. The kids seem to respond to this better than having Clare oversee their chores. Inspection, I concluded, is still up to me, and that’s as it should be.

Addressing discipline issues. She handles spats, while bigger issues are brought to my attention. Either way, I’ve made it clear to my kids: Even though I’m home, Clare is also in charge. One word of caution: Age difference between your children and your MH is something to keep in mind. While I made it clear both to my kids and to my MH that she is in charge of my kids ages 10 and under, I made it just as clear that my almost 12 year old won’t need her supervision like my younger kids do.


Having a Mother’s Helper has made me a better mother. Thanks to Clare’s presence, my kids read more, watched less TV and tried new crafts, and I have thoroughly scolded myself for waiting until my ninth child is on the way to find that extra pair of hands. Her presence this week has taken the edge off of being a stay at home mom. As summer approaches, I know that even with a new baby in a house already bustling with activity, this ship will keep running. After all, help is on the way.



Sidebar: Snapshot of the first week


Monday 9-12 Since they already know her as our babysitter, the younger kids shriek with excitement when she arrives. She immediately gets to work: takes them sledding, fixes lunch, bakes and decorates cookies, and plays games. Our first day was a huge success, and the kids beg her to stay longer.


Tuesday 9-12 Since the kids had their fill of sledding yesterday, Clare paints their faces, unbothered that we have three extra guests today, as I am sitting for a friend (she also refuses the bonus I offer her for the additional kids, which I pay her anyway). I leave for a while to go to the doctor (during which time her pay increases) and find her fixing lunch for everyone when I return. Before she leaves, she offers to stay the whole day on Thursday or Friday. I know immediately I will take her up on it.


Wednesday 9-12 Today after a sock-matching marathon for the eighteen feet in our house followed by Shrinky-Dink ® fun, Clare accompanies us to the library where we swap out supervising my two-year-old and helping my older children find books. On the way home I drive through McDonald’s for lunch, and Clare offers (twice) to have the cost of her meal deducted from her pay. “No way,” I remind her, “that is just one of the perks of being my Mother’s Helper.”


Thursday 9-3 Since this is the day of Clare’s extended hours, I decide to take a rare solo shopping trip. I call to check in and find my youngest son has thrown a tantrum over sharing his snowboard. She reassures me that she handled it, though, and I vow to talk to him when I get home. Though the house is a little messy upon my arrival, I declare a “seven-minute-clean up” and order is restored. I note that Clare helps the kids clean up without being asked.


Friday 9-1 Clare may go skiing with her family today, but a snowstorm brings a change of plans, and my husband notices my change in mood (and energy level) the minute I get a call saying she is coming after all. After she takes them sledding, I fix lunch while she reads Little Women to the kids—something I can never seem to get around to doing. When it’s time for her to leave, the kids ask when she is coming back. She’ll be back, I reassure them. That I can promise.