Tween Hospitality

School is only half day today, so I told my boys they could bring friends home (next half day is the girls' turn). As my house is more full than usual, I remembered this piece I wrote when I first discovered the benefits of deliberate hospitality.

This piece first appeared in Focus on Your Child (www.focusonyourchild.com).

Tween Hospitality

Shortly after my family relocated to Vermont, company became a regular occurrence at our house. If you’re expecting guests this summer, be deliberate about giving your tweens some guidelines so that hospitality can become a family affair.

Give up. Though tweens may have to give up their rooms, make the experience positive. “Throw a blanket over the dining table and have a camp out,” says home management expert Emilie Barnes (www.emiliebarnes.com), adding that staying positive takes the emphases off sacrifice and turns it into fun. Extra special touches such as leaving candy on the pillow or special soaps in the bathroom are easy ways to keep the focus on guests.

Fess up. Shortly before your company arrives, call a casual family meeting to talk about the visit. Let kids express both positive and negative feelings, and give them an accurate picture of what the week will look like. “Ask your kids for ideas,” says Barnes, “about ways to have fun with your company.” After guests leave, Barnes suggests another talk about the visit. “You can ask kids questions like ‘What are three things that you learned from this visit?’ or ‘How could the visit have gone better?’ “

Tidy up. If time permits, intentional organization will help the stay go more smoothly. “Three bags labeled give away, throw away, and put away will make the job go faster,” says Barnes, “and parents should pay attention to specific situations that stress kids out.” If your child is especially fond of the Lego models he has built, for instance, take special care to help him store it away so it won’t get broken by young guests.”

Put up. Obviously, some visits go more smoothly than others. If your tween expresses glum feelings about the visit, encourage him to be willing to put up with little irritations and inconveniences, reminding him the situation is only temporary. After the visit, use negative experiences in a constructive way to reinforce why manners are important when visiting someone’s home.

“Sitting them down and talking to them about the value of the people who are coming is so important,” Barnes concludes, “and having children be part of hosting guests is a wonderful way for those skills to carry over into their adult years.”